Have you ever felt like one part of yourself wants one thing and another part of yourself wants something completely different? Maybe at times it’s even felt like these parts of yourself were at war with each other, making it impossible to feel a sense of inner peace. This is a completely normal experience and something that an approach known as internal family systems (IFS) is made to help with! IFS is based on the premise that we all have a complex internal system of “parts” each with their own personality, beliefs, emotions, and sensations. The movie Inside Out is a really simple and beautiful example of parts and how much of an impact it can have when parts of ourselves are in conflict with one another.

Accompanying the parts of us, IFS also believes that we all have an authentic Self energy. Our Self energy is naturally compassionate, curious, and calm and carries patience, persistence, and perspective. Our Self is able to be a witness to difficult experiences, rather than just reliving them or being flooded by them. Maybe you’ve felt a sense of your Self energy when doing things that help you feel a sense of flow. For some people this could be while hiking, gardening, skiing, meditating, walking, creating art, playing with children; the list goes on!

One element that I love about the model is the foundational belief that all of our parts are trying to help us. Yes, even the ones that seem most extreme (like parts that yell at our loved ones, parts that binge eat, parts that self harm). Parts sometimes get stuck in extreme roles, driven by past pain or vulnerability that was too much for us at the time. This past pain that was too much gets “exiled” within our system and creates protective parts that work hard to keep us from ever feeling that way again. The problem is, many of these protective parts take on their jobs at very young ages, so they often have more limited inner resources to come up with ways to protect us. Imagine a six year old child trying to figure out a way to never feel like mom is upset with them again! Their problem solving for that would look and sound a LOT different than an adult trying to problem solve that; hence why these efforts at problem solving can accidentally end up also causing harm or distress in the longer term.

Prior to doing IFS therapy, our parts generally react outside of our consciousness to situations within ourselves and the outside world. IFS therapy allows us to build a more conscious relationship with these parts, which in turn allows us to make more conscious choices about how we respond. IFS helps us slow down and really listen to these parts so that we can learn how they came to be, why they’re stuck in these roles, and ultimately help heal the exiled, vulnerable parts that are holding onto difficult past experiences. Once these more vulnerable parts feel helped and seen, protective parts of ourselves are generally freed up to play roles within our system that better serve our present day experience. One of my favorite aspects of IFS is that it views humans as having everything we need to heal already within us, so it’s about finding our way back to that inner resource rather than trying to create it from scratch.

IFS might be right for you if:

You’ve tried traditional talk therapy before and feel like you’ve gotten what you can out of it, but it’s left you wanting or needing more.
You’re interested in doing “the deeper work”.
You’re an intellectualizer who struggles to feel like therapy helps them learn/experience things they don’t already know.

There are MANY more reasons IFS could be right for you too. These are just a few examples! If you’re interested in trying IFS, Ember Psychotherapy Collective has IFS trained therapists who are ready to help.

Written by Lily Hall, LCSW.